Emergency February Party

By moohk

CW: self harm

The great grey beast February is trying to eat us alive. It is a monstrous month, a dire and dreary month. If this month smothers us, how will we ever find our way out of its intestines of dark and despair? Don’t get so depressed you take a sailing trip in your bathtub with only razor blades packed. Don’t get so hopeless you enrol in business school or decide to vote liberal. Don’t get so boring you start watching romantic comedies. Don’t get so bored you forget how to breathe. Rather than wither away in the belly of the beast, what we need are tall tails of triumph and victory. FEBRUARY PARTY. Believe in something extraordinary or at least force someone else to. It needn’t be comfortable. So that our hearts are bursting instead of breaking, let’s tear ourselves from ennui like an incompetent surgeon ripping out vital organs and gush like our aortas would into a bloody, pulpy mess. It’s going to hurt, let’s face it, it’s our lives. But let’s make it hurt so good. That 2-headed bastard February has our backs against the wall but we’re gonna show that fucker. The great grey beast February is bloodthirsty, but before you offer your wrists, try having some fun.


  • February Party runs for the entire month of February, every February
  • February Party beings NOW
  • It’s never too late for February Party
  • To celebrate February Party, give cards, letters, gifts, greetings and feasts to others
  • February Party has no religious affiliation, does not commemorate victorious battles and focuses on no one person or reason other than festivity and carnival
  • Handmade/ homemade DIY is preferred
  • February Party is anti-capitalist; February Party is a FREE PARTY
  • Participants only, no spectators

Far from fun, February. But why? “Because it feels like outside is loathing me.” And it is, outside wants you dead. In the face of such vehement opposition, only one course of action can save us: a party. AN EMERGENCY FEBRUARY PARTY. If it’s kill or be killed, kill winter first. Party is a fight for life, and anyone who plans on surviving the winter is invited. Attendance is mandatory.

Now, since you are going to be at a party, you had best get your shit together so that you don’t look like some socially inept crusader of lost and forgotten causes, pathetically peddling post-functional propaganda in a sea of the happy, healthy and hip, like some bad suit wearing lunatic waiting at the outlets of mass transit to distribute dubious documentation and being laughed at. No one likes to be laughed at, especially at a party. No, if you are going to get through this you better have a plan, you must be ready.

Fortunately, February Party is free of fixed formalities such as dress codes and discussion topics (not to mention locations or timelines or fees), so just by staying alive at least until March you can join in on the fun.

Fortunately, any number of things beginning with the letter F make for fun and exciting activities that will make you a hit at February Party, such as: Filming. Frothing (be it in cups or from the mouth). Fires. Firing weaponry. Field-trips. Fucking. Fornicating. Forming (clay perhaps, or even your own religious sect). Fishing (nothing makes you feel alive like making something else dead). Freezing. Freeing. Formulating mathematical equations. Frog Farming.

And that’s just the letter F, and F isn’t a very good letter. You see, you could do anything. The trick is making sure the party keeps on rolling, and then before you know it, it will be March. You could even bring it along into March too, if you are having too much fun…