Notes on a healing process

By Amy S., @tevinescence

Learning to love yourself even during conflict is political. Prioritize it. Work as little as you can. Make enough to get by and to buy yourself things that bring you joy. I used CERB money to buy a dildo and Animal Crossing. Release yourself from the idea that you need to be doing something. Come back to yourself. Pay attention to the ways your distractions are manifestations of a white-supremacist capitalist patriarchy. Learn where the line is between self-soothing and self-sabotage (AKA Animal Crossing overload). Make a list of your needs, then your wants. Allow yourself childish desires. Then, identify excess in your life and give it away. Approach self-care as if you had no resources – take cues from your body and from nature. In rebuilding yourself, use a different mould. Pay attention to your relationships, they are your greatest teachers. Speak freely and watch them evolve. Laugh at fear in the face. Make art, build something, seek out people who listen to your point of view. Don’t stop. Keep going. Relax your tongue, feel the weight of it press down gently on your heart.

If I may speak from a place of tough love, you are not allowed to feel bad just for existing, and that feeling certainly cannot be your motivation for social justice work. Learn how you feel your best – hone it like a skill and make it into a practice – and then come join the fight. Learning self-respect brings up an endless well of anger towards the injustices we face – that’s the fuel for revolution. We’ll always be here, there will always be work to be done. Life must be accepted before it can be fought for. Remember yourself. Remember the goal: loving ourselves and each other in spite of what we are up against.